Schpaa

Day 1:

Tora went to Elin’s place and from there we went to the train station. The Airport Express Train was cancelled of all things, so when another one finally arrived we were really stressed. It was kind of scary – and we tried to call the check-in counter, but they were unable to help us. By the time we arrived at the airport we were (needless to say) tripped out from the stress. We rushed up the escalators and crashed into the check-in counter ONE minute before it was closing. Yes, that’s right. /flex. In the departures section we exchanged some Norwegian money into foreign, funny coins, euro’s. We also took the time to stumble through duty free before meeting up with Fredheim, Sindre and Hugo by the gate. The plane trip was actually insanely dull and cold, and long – and everyone there were just big families going on holiday. When we landed at Ibiza International Airport it was stinking early in the morning, like four or something. The flight had actually arrived way too soon, so turned out we had a lot of time to kill.  We found ourselves a taxi that we shared to the hotel, but seeing it was in the middle of the night – our room wasn’t ready yet! 

So we had to kill time, and decided to take a walk to explore. Everything was frightfully quiet and empty (we were later to discover that this of course was because everyone who was someone would be out clubbing until at least five). We walked for a long time, actually we are not sure what we were searching for, God knows, but we ended up near the port at a place that sold pizza. Sindre, Hugo and Fredheim lived at a separate hotel from us, and so managed to find a place to sleep, while as Tora and Elin’s room was still to be finished. The man in the reception couldn’t utter a word of English, but through intensive miming and guessing he managed to explain that we could lend a room for two hours. We were obviously explosively tired, like our brains had been knocked into our heads with a plastic hammer – so we accepted gratefully. The two hours of rest passed like a second, and before we even knew it – we were back out on the street, a lazy Ibiza sun barely visible in the horizon. We went for a walk along the beach, and ended up by a coffee table where Tora fell asleep almost instantly. But did we get any peace? 

No, I tell you, of course we didn’t. Because by then Tora was inappropriately awakened by two brits that were passing by, calling something like “wakey, wakey!” Their names were Damien and Lee, and they bought us breakfast at a different place. They were really two men in their thirties, at Ibiza for a bachelor party. They were high and stoned out of their own heads, and kept sniffing because they had the “Cuban flu”. Can’t remember what we talked about, it was really quite confusing, and we must’ve looked incredibly tired and scruffy. It must’ve been nine or eight in the morning, the locals were hosing the streets clean and it became lighter. We thanked for the company, and we got Lee’s number (we still have it, he said we could call if we were coming to London sometime!) and we went food shopping. But the room still wasn’t ready, so we had to hang around for even longer. Holy badger. By the time we FINALLY got our room it was midday! But we didn’t really mind, we got changed, went to the beach and made a freshyfresh sandcastle that we decorated with shells. Afterwards we went shopping, we bought a lot of things that we had no need for whatsoever. The bed then started calling for us, so we went back to the hotel and fell asleep. Sometime later, we awoke in hunger and went to that Mexican place by the corner. We ate a lot of delicious foods and had Sangria, yum. The waitress with the long, blonde braids sung ”Happy Birthday” while serving us our pineapple, of all logical things. And the Mexican place pretty much put sparkling things on everything they served. No matter if it was a drink or if it was food. 

When we had finished eating, the crazy waitress asked us if we wanted anything else, like “TEQUILA?!” definitely in capital letters. Haha. We went to a funny place and had vodka red bull, and had kind of half decided that we should go to bed. But instead of going back to the hotel, we got a man at a different hotel to call a taxi for us. When it arrived we got in and told him to take us where there would be life and people! The taxi took us to the harbor, almost the same place where we had walked the same morning. The place was packed with people, bars, pubs and smaller clubs. There were lots of music and life and lights and alcohol and happy hours and transvestites, crazy place. We attracted a lot of attention, I suppose because we had no idea where we were going. Obviously we had to find a shop where Elin tried a tøsetop that was very nice, actually. When we had to use the bathroom, we decided to take advantage of the fact that we were standing right outside a really fancy fishrestaurant. So we just paraded on in and used the bathroom, on the way out, Elin was walking first and she winked at the man by the door as if to apologize for us walking right in and then out again. He looked at Tora, pouted and shook his head all like “Shit, she’s hawt!” Maxlol. We had some more vodka redbull at a place called ”The Rock” where we sat waiting for something to happen. But for a change we were good girls and took the initiative ourselves by walking over to a big group of blokes. 

We asked if we could sit and bother them for a while, or something like that – which they accepted and we sat with them and told a lot of bullshit about Norway, probably. They bought us drinks and were very talkative, then they bought us tickets for Hed Kandi and generously purchased a boat trip across the port to the club called “El Divino”. It was awesome, it was our very first night there – and we got everything for free! It was super awesome, really fresh, they even bought us drinks at El Divino. They were really nice and funny, their names were Barnaby, Steve and James and they were from Australia and New Zealand. It was omg brilliant, we danced and the music was excellent. Elin had nice new shoes and Tora was dressed like a tøs with a big cleavage and Elin had a yacht-like outfit in white and red stripes and a skirt. When El Divino started closing we shared a taxi with a tall guy we officially hadn’t talked to before and we were invited to an afterparty with all the guys. We thanked them, but turned them down, took a cold footbath and went to sleep. Like, about 7 in the morning.

Day 2:

We got up at 1 and ate pizza for breakfast at a place quite close to the hotel. We got shots for dessert, for breakfast, lol. Haha. After that we went to the beach, Tora in her grandmother bikini and Elin in her military camouflage bikini. We were otherwise topless, which was nice. Following beach-timez we went shopping far off, Tora bought beautiful, glittering shoes and we ate spaghetti with loads of garlic at a place called “Pinocchio”. Then we made sure to tear down some Hed Kandi posters because they were nice and we had been there the day before. We wandered around and looked in different shops, slept a little at the hotel and ate dinner with the boys at the Mexican place. Go go! Then we went out, we met a good looking French bartender that bought us free drinks and he sat down at our table and we talked about Norway and how cold it is. We exaggerated a little with the temperature really and said that it could be down to -30 in the winter. He completely freaked when we told him, and he was like “Less thirty? Not for me! Not for me! – Less thirty, not for me!” while he was shaking and jittering as if afraid of the temperature being contagious, haha.  Then we met up with the boys again, but decided to do something different from them, so we went to fetish night at Pacha, Elin dressed in black with black makeup and Tora in white. We were like contrasts! Cool, huh? Yeah. 

Anyway, the place was huge and the music was really good. There weren’t that many people there, but there were tons of strippers doing acrobatics on a pole that went from the floor to the ceiling. Very impressive. They had diamond masks, whips and were kinkying around like there was no tomorrow, super-duper awesome. Some stupid Spanish boy tried to convince us he was from Sweden, which was possibly the worst pick up line in history. Especially since we didn’t even believe him for a split second, Norwegians can understand Swedish --for future reference. What a complete idiot. We met up with some Germans or possibly Americans that were willingly buying us a lot of liquor, but one of them presented himself as “Beethoven” (because his name was Ludwig) and he was a moron of intergalactic dimensions, so we didn’t want to hang out with them. Going down a staircase the Pacha photographer took pictures of us. Then we went into the loo and prayed to God we’d meet some funny brits, even though we didn’t. The show and music was amazing and incredible, but we got really tired to we walked parts of the way home, then took a taxi and fell asleep.

Day 3.

We overslept and didn’t leave the room until one in the afternoon. We ate some cheap, but disgusting baguettes we bought at the local grocery store for breakfast. Then we went to the hot beach and inflated the giant mattress. Sindre, Hugo and Fredheim joined us at the beach, they sat and gave grades to the passing women’s tits. For a moment they went swimming, and it looked like Sindre was giving Hugo a bj, quite positively. We ate superdeli burritos at the beach, namnam. Then we bought more food at that bakery we fell in love with, sausages and muffins. We went shopping (again) buying more things we didn’t need and then ate cheap Chinese oil in food for dinner, eugh, gross. 

We were however good girls and went out in flipflops and bought tickets for Amnesia, we got a taxi there and walked around the entire place before realizing were the entrance was. It seemed a little deserted in the beginning, but we danced our butts off to the awesome music because the theme was Disco Invaders and it was opening night for Cocoon, so everyone was in a wicked party mood. After a while if got fuller and fuller, and it was packed with people and it was so hot you could pass out any moment. Every now and then they set off an ice-cannon that blew cold all over the dancefloor for a few seconds, incredible. But despite these rare (though occurring) shots of cold, we were overheated and decided to sneak in to the VIP section up at the terrace. Seeing we were supercool we just slid right past the line to the VIP section like we belonged there and just went right in. No stress! It was cooler up there, free massage and a lot of probably quite rich people. But we weren’t pleased about that, we wanted to get through the next filter using the same tactics. And do you think it worked? You’d be damn right it did! Eazy peazy lemon squeezy! We found ourselves a cool, fresh table with a sofa were we got a LOT of free alcohol by a rich gay man and his friends for the trade of us sitting there looking nice in return. Good deal I say. We looked down over the dancing masses and laughed at the man that danced with a pillow and did stretching exercises afterwards. Completely normal, yeah, don’t worry about it. After drinking what we wanted to and having a really awesome time up there, we decided that it was time to go down and dance some more. On our way out of VIP we stopped by one of the tables and asked if we could get a Red Bull. The guy owning the table said they cost a kiss on the cheek, a cheap red bull considering they cost about 10€ down in the bar. We binged the red bull and danced up on the small stage in the middle of the room with some British boys. It was soooo awesome, seriously. Then we took a taxi almost all the way home and searched until we found Disco Invaders posters, because we just had to have them. We went to bed like 06:30 in the morning.

Day 4:

Ehm yes, we like put an alarm clock on, but we didn’t get up until like twelve because we suck, right. Anyway Tora was sunburnt. We had to explore, and we found food. Bomb. Our precious bakery with pizza and little good tasting things. Elin insisted on going to an internet café because she had to send a few mails. A little kid at the café was listening to loud music from his dads phone, he was the cutest thing ever. Beach? Yes, beach! Seeing we had this splendid signal-pink matress Elin kind of had to go sunbathing on it in the water. Tora got more sunburnt on the beach and dug a tower, and a hole. But seeing she was burnt like a crisp she couldn’t possibly sleep on the beach, so she went up to the hotel while Elin continued her epic sunbathing. We saved money (good girls) by eating Mexican in our hotelroom. We had fajita and burrito but couldn’t spot any actual difference even though one cost more than the other. They tasted nice anyway.

But seeing we had saved money for dinner, we had to use money on some other bullshit, yeah? Hm? What? Yes, that’s nice. Clothes! And bling. We found a nice bag shaped like a bus, it was red. But then we went to the cash machine to withdraw some money, but it was a little whore that ate Elin’s card. Stupid stupid stupid! Mongomachine. That meant we had to eat some more food, to make things up. That’s the way it is. We obviously had to pay more for the food just to get them with sparkly glowing burning sticks thingies on it. So we ate at the Mexican place, as per usual where the Mexican lady (the crazy one with the braids) asked if we wanted to share the dessert. It was a dessert version of the Mexican dish called Chimichanga. The waitress chick totally lost it and went “share?! YAH! Chimichanga, chimichanga, chimichanga, chimichanga, chimichanga” all the way out to the kitchen. We think Chimichanga was some kind of deep fried pancakes, we’re a little uncertain because the crazy woman kind of stole the show. We were good girls and didn’t go out so we saved more money (yesyes) and went to bed like one or two.

Day 5:

We had as usual lots of plans for the day, we were supposed to go on a nice boat with glass floor to look at the beautiful ocean, but we were lazy and didn’t bother to get up on time. We buttered up with insane amounts of sunscreen and were sticky and sweaty by the time we went to our favourite bakery called Canela. We bought lots of tasty breakfast that we brought to the beach. In the water we found a weird purple jellyfish that we dug down and poked a lot. You know, the stuff you do with jellyfish. But it was also quite possibly a squid. We played with some Danish boys in the water, we tried to play ball, they were about as bad as us, not as bad as Tora – obviously, that played with her own set of rules. Hm? They threw the ball to the sides so we had to jump after them. They were called something Danish like “Kasper” or something, and didn’t understand Norwegian at all. Strange that. Odd. Seeing we were sunburnt we went up and bought the red buddbag ”Ibsens redcurrant and other bussbags.” We also ate pizza at some kind of place. We bought really nice sweets, skulls, dolphins and tacos in bright colours. Went back t the hotel, tried to freshen up and ate more Mexican. Hm? What? We also had drinks with more sparkly burning things in them. Bought tickets for La Troya at Space from our usual ticket dealer, and went to Space. Stood in a line for a moment and got asked for ID. We were totally taken aback. They thought we were under 16. Mighty God, what a complete failure, definitely the insult of the century. We WALKED back to the hotel and took photocopies of our passports, because they were obviously valid as ID, wtf. 

We took a taxi back to Space AGAIN. Found out that our tickets were NOT valid tickets, but flyers – we’d been scammed! We went all the way back to the ticketman and yelled at him, only to discover that we had a double set of tickets in my bag – the flyers and tickets looked identical, which meant we had only shown the woman the wrong ones! Christ! We were really angry and just walked away. Took a taxi back to Space yet again, got in(!) oh my. And we had a blast. Lots of hawt chicks in cowboy costumes (because La Troya’s release party was tex mex themed) were dancing in cages and up on stages. Got smacked on the bum a lot. A walking bar ploughed through the crowd and handed out shots or something. We danced and danced, the music was quite funky – La Troya was a giant man in woman clothes on stilts. Later we discovered that all the hawt dancers were in fact men. Oh yeah, hello Ibiza. Transvestites the lot of them, and gays of course, and Brits (unknown sexual preference, you never know), obviously. We met Louise, Mikey and Will – which was really nice. Six in the morning the brits took us home to their place and then we went down to the beach and smoked in the sunrise. We bid farewell, walked home to the hotel and packed and were cool. We ate toast for breakfast at a place near the hotel where they played Bent. Tora took a taxi to the airport where she bought a pencil.

Text from Will:

Hola Chica, it’s Will. This is Louises phonenumber. I call you a bit later about Bora Bora. Can you text me back just so I know that I got the right number. X

Text from Elin:

No this is completely the wrong number. You’ve reached Ali Baba’s carpet cleaning. Get two yards extra for 2.99!

Text from Will:

Oh Dear. I don’t suppose you have any Norwegian girls, would you, Ali Baba?

Text from Elin:

Alright. Now that you mention it, there’s some cheap ones in the back.

Text from Will:

Bueno Ali! Send a blonde one to my hotelroom as fast as you can por favor?! RAPIDO ALI! Me muey gusta blonde Norwegian chicas. Se sexy! X

Day 6:

Here our journey split in two! Because Tora went home to Norway to go to Lofoten with her family, and this is what happened:

Tora was still wearing her crazy makeup from the night at Space, and everyone on the airport was giving her strange looks. She hadn’t slept at all, so the journey in itself took place in a hazy, shaky mist. She ate the biggest burger in history at Stansted and spent the following seven hours sleeping on top of her suitcase in the mellow sunlight from the big windows. Occasionally, she awoke and talked a bit with a man from Ukraine that was taking his fiancée home to show her to his family for the first time. The rest is actually quite unclear, but she got home somehow – and spent a lovely weekend with her family in Lofoten (northern fucking freezing Norway) where she had about twice as much to drink as she had altogether doing her stay in Ibiza.

 

Elin Thursday (same day)

Alright, so Tora left me here with all the toady Spaniards. I didn’t know what to do with myself now that I was all alone, and figured I should go back to the hotel before I got completely lost. Besides, I could do with some sleep. I tidied up a bit, cause the hotel room looked like it could use an archaeological excavation. Then I fell asleep, and slept until noon, when my phone woke me up. I fought the urge to throw the phone out the window in the pool so it would drown and die slowly for waking me, and got up.

I walked all the way to the beach by Wills hotel, and I’m very proud, cause I found the way all by my self. I picked some shells, and then Will came and took me to Bora Bora.

When we got there I realised that I’d just localized all the british people. And here we thought we’d been properly screwed, but no, we were just on the wrong beach. Fucking great. At least I found them in the end, so we’ll know where to go the next time we want to hear the cute british accent! Ok, the next few hours can be summed up easily (as I think a detailed description of what Will and I were doing, was better to be left out): sleep, swim, chill. I actually asked if it was ok for Will that I took of my bikinitop, he said yes, please do, and mouthed “Thank you” to the sky.

When you have a beach filled with white/pink brits, you’re bound to find someone that’ll draw your attention. All of a sudden a rather plump guy is walking down from the restaurant to the water, wearing a baby pink bikini. Surrounding him was a numerous other people who came to look when he started dancing in the water, and like a stripper, taking off the biking top showing off his moobs.

Ehh yes… Alright, so the man in pink is gone and there are now three guys in thongs fighting in the water. Just playing I think, and there are some on the beach filming this. At some point the thongs they were wearing was torn, and there was a lot of cocks everywhere. I went for a swim, and didn’t really mind, well I looked and giggled obviously, but I was hot and needed a swim. I was a little to the side of the fight. When I walked out of the water I could see the guys on the beach filming, slowly turn their camera from the wrestling men to me. The first few seconds I was confused, I didn’t think they’d bother to film me, but I realised how wrong I was, and covered myself with my arms. Guy with cam: “ahhh, you ruined it!”

After a while Will and I went for a pizza at the restaurant by the beach. Nam nam. The guy in the pink bikini was there again, dancing, so we had a show with our food.

Half eight Will had to go to the airport, so I went back to my hotel. I ate a burrito and slept some more. Then the boys called me. I could see myself pouring a bowl of spaghetti over Sindres head while I resentfully answered the phone. So, I was a good girl, got up, bought them 6 burritos and went to their hotel, which took quite a while since I managed to get lost on the way and Sindre had to come and get me. All of them were shit ass sunburned everywhere, especially in the face. They looked absolutely hilarious sitting there, like beetroots, trying to eat their burrito without hurting themselves by opening their mouth to much. Vors.

 

Went into town to get tickets to a club. We ended up with Privelige, which is the worlds biggest nightclub. Awesome. When we got there, I imagined to be overwhelmed by how big it was with lots of lights and a super fancy image. It wasn’t exactly like I’d pictured it. First of all, I don’t think the whole club was open, because there weren’t enough people there. Second it looked like and old train station. It was actually so similar that I think it was, in fact, a train station. The floor was asphalt with the occasional manhole covers, and the toilets looked like public toilets where you have to pay to get in. They had a swimming pool though, that was pretty funky. Just for decoration mind. The music was not of my liking either, but the dancers were great! I spent a lot of time looking at them.

 

As we were dancing, a small Danish guy came up to me. I’d thought that none would have any interest in me as I was there with three other guys, but clearly I was wrong. The small Danish guy was very small (smaller than me) and very annoying. So by gesturing wildly to Hugo that we had to go outside, I escaped still with my boobs attached. Niiiice.

 

Martin and I tried laughing gas! That was… strange. Geees, fun! Other than that we just danced our bums off. I had my blinking lolly of course, which attracted the guy who filmed the club, and he put the camera in my face as I danced.

 

We danced til dawn, and took a taxi home. The boys were real gentlemen and told the taxidriver to go to my hotel, and said they would walk from there. Credz.

My feet hurt. BED!

Day 7:

Today I had no other choice but to get up early as I was checking out. To be honest I think it would be fair and square if I got an extra hour in the hotelroom as they’d been so slow giving us the room when we came. So up at eleven after 2,5 hours sleep. Packed, checked out and walked all the long way to the boy’s hotel. A much more fancy hotel in most ways (and also thrice the price) so they could keep the luggage there as we bummed around. As Sindre, Fredheim and Hugo still looked like three sundried tomatoes with a bad rash they went to get, not only sunlotion, but sunblock. Hugo also got an old-fashion-for-old-men-with-ugly-t-shirts-and-pale-legs-hat. Not the best hat for him I’d say, but it’s much better to wear a hat then expose your skin to even more sun when you’re sunburned. I tried to take a picture of him, sitting in the shadow, with the hat and the white sunblock all over his face, but I was not allowed. Oh well.

Went for breakfast, very good indeed. Chicken sandwich with smoothie to drink. Then we grabbed a taxi and hit off to San Antonio. Nice place, smaller, but nice. Walked past Café del Mar, and decided to eat there later. Not so much sand here, more sharp rocks, so we had to walk quite a bit to find a small beach, packed with British. There were actually just brits there. I didn’t see one Spanish guy at all. After a while Sindre and Hugo went to get Pizza and ice tea, which tasted delicious. Hugo left after while, going back to the hotel, realizing he was too sunburned to be in the sun, especially by the sea. Sindre, Martin and I were there ‘til about six o’clock, when we went to bar. Martin and I had a bitchpop each, WKD blue! Nice.

After that we went to a restaurant someone had recommended me near the beach. It had a perfect view for the sunset, the food was great and as the waiters were all british, they understood what we said, so we didn’t have to use wild hand gestures and mimes. Hanyway, looked at the sunset, and it was really beautiful. Got a text from Tora saying: “I have four degrees and rain”. Ate the pizza and tried to find a taxi. On the way someone threw a burrito out the window, and hit Sindre in the head. LOL

Got a taxi back, and had a shower and changed at the hotel. Then we chilled out in a room there, deploring ourselves for leaving so we couldn’t go to the night club and see groove armada. *cry* Got a burrito for the road and took a taxi to the airport. I bought 2 CDs and a t-shirt! Whoop whoop! Allrighty, they called for us to get to the gate, and we finally managed to drag ourselves there, they were slightly irritable, telling us that “we were the last ones”.

Sindre, Martin and I sat on one row, while Hugo was placed in the row in front. My trip was good enough, I curled up on Sindres lap, making him and Martin cuddle me, and slept for most of the way. Hugo on the other hand must’ve had a disastrous time, sitting next to some bloody idiots who decided that the way home from Ibiza was the best time to share a bottle of tequila they’d bought on the airport. But in the end we got to the airport safely, and we all wanted to go back when we got out on the platform and once again breathed the cold Norwegian air.

Monday 13.08.07
The flight was really boring, so we drew a treasure-map for Ali Baba’s secret treasure, and hid it, so that someone could find it.
Arrived at the Fiumicino airport in Rome, which was nice, though we had to wait an hour for our luggage to appear. Norwegian didn’t have a helpdesk at Fiumicino, so we actually had to wait without knowing anything about what was going on. Shit n’ waste.

We just made it to the train, the doors tried to kill us, but we forced them open with our mighty strength. It cost us a few potions and a buff, but the train took a long time, so we didn’t have to worry about the cooldown. It was very hot, so for the visual pleasure of all our fellow passengers, we changed clothes. Skirts n’ sandals, hello! (The sun was attempting to boil the train alive, and we were in it! So we had to do something!).

Without any further hassle (except a few incidents involving Elin's limited brainpower, a ticket, and a strange ’spit n’ chew’ –machine) we arrived at the Collosseo.
It was a magnificent sight seeing the monstrous Collosseum with the sun behind it. All around there were tourists, and obviously the occasional gypsy-stall attempting to steal all our money, or sell us a few peaches for 7€. Somehow we managed the winding path through the city, over the annoying cobblestones and the staring people – to our B&B!

The hotel was a man with a laptop and a filthy key, so in the beginning we were quite worried about waking up without our kidneys on, but we were not to worry about this when we went to bed later in the “evening”. Well, we did what other people (Bernard Black) would call “freshen up”, this should speak for itself.

Neither of us had eaten since the cocoa at Gardermoen airport, so we had a Bacardi breezer and some double-folded, filled pizza –thingy, you probably know what we mean. This was very lurvely indeed. We sat looking at the Farnese bathtubs at one of the many Piazzas in Rome, t’was savoury and amazing. While eating ice-cream (because we were so full of pizza we could barely walk) we walked to the Pantheon, and Elin bought some delicious shoes.

Again we went to the hotel to “freshen up”, though this time we actually put a little effort in to it. Then we sat down at a bar by Campo di Fiori, and shared a bottle of wine and some fig ice-cream, a strange man with a chess-board and a smaller friend came over to us and insisted on a game of chess. A little advice, worst pick-up method, ever – especially when you insist on never have played chess ever before, but know all the sneaky tricks. They turned out not to be so jolly when we drowned the little chess men in their beer and laughed at them, when we had finished our wine – we simply ran for it. As dignified and elegant as one can with a certain pair of new shoes on, stumbling over thousands of year old cobblestones.

We found a club, and with the power of blonde hair we just whooshed straight past the line, without even looking at the security guys. Incidentally it was Monday, which meant it was free shots for the ladies! [blank]. There was no lock on the toilet, but somehow, we managed. [Blank] Mojito [Blank] … shots? [Blank] Sleazy guys, neon lights, some chap from Egypt [Blank]. Suddenly out in the street again, very strange street, it was moving and the lights were all blurred. Got some roses from some random Frenchmen (eeeeugh) that insisted on buying drinks for Elin, after a rather loud discussion they agreed on buying drinks for Tora as well. [Blank] We were at their table, and they wanted to take us home to Paris, and when Elin agreed to this, Tora decided that we had had enough to drink. [Blank] Made some poor excuse about having to leave in a hurry, seeing we had something very important to do in the middle of the night. [Blank] The Egyptian guy again, we shook him off by going to the toilet, together [Blank?].

At some point Elin took off her shoes..

[BLANK]

Tuesday 14.08.07

Hungover.

Had some mangy breakfast, which was continental, but seeing it was free - Hungover. We walked all the way to the Vatican. We felt a bit fragile… it was quite hot. We were sweating behind the sunglasses. Sent a postcard home, and entered discretely the middle of the queue. Got into the church and did a lot of touristing. You know…

On the way home we got lost, so we stopped for pizza. Food is always the solution. When we finally got back to the hotel we lied on our backs with our feet in the air for a while. The nice hotelman had bought us juice and chocolate biscuits. He had also found the roses from last night and decided to use Toras Imsdal bottle as a vase.

We “freshened up” and went out for dinner. For entertainment there was a clown who took a picture down his pants with another persons camera. Because of a certain over-consummation of alcohol the day before, we couldn’t drink our wine. There were lots to see, and even though it was quite late, we had to visit the Spanish Steps, Fontana di Trevi (to throw a coin in) and Piazza di Popolo. On the way Tora bought the most hideous top, which will from now on go under the name “The Shakira Top”. And we walked and walked and walked some more, Tora fell in love with a dress from Cesari, walked some more, swapped shoes, walked more, swapped back and walked even more. Returned to the hotel about two in the morning and packed. Then we died, twice.

Wednesday 15.08.07
Official Mourning Day.
We set off real early, like seven-ish, and it hurt a lot – we started walking because we were going to see the view from on top of the dome of the St. Peters Church, and decided to get there really early to avoid the queue. But, the world had gone all topsy-turvey and for absolutely no reason the queue was horribly long. It was so early and the world had gone against us, so we didn’t bother to get in the line at all. Instead we decided to spend all day shopping in Via del Corso, it was quite a long walk to get there. On the way we had a gruesome breakfast, which was quite expensive too. When we finally got to Via del Corso, everything was closed – it wasn’t ten o’clock, so we figured they probably just hadn’t opened yet. Out of nowhere there was a church, which we slept in for a bit. When we woke up, the service was about to start, so we left as discreet as possibly and went outside again. The shops still hadn’t opened, and this time we discovered that they had signs all over saying that August 15th is National holiday and everything was closed. Fucking great. Seeing there was no Vatican and absolutely no shopping, we picked up our luggage and left the building. (We had managed to flood the hotel-room when forgetting to empty the air-conditioner, fucking great. Though did as a footbath). Our feet were sore and our legs hurt from yesterdays intense walking. So we walked all the way to the collosseo. Our suitcases were mysteriously heavy. We took the metro all the way to Tiburtina, just to find that the bus we wanted to take from there, wasn’t leaving at all that day – duuh, it was August 15th, naturally buses don’t go on wendesdays the 15th in August, hello! Fucking great. So we had to take the Metro back to Termini (the central station), this took a lot of time, we had huge bags that were heavy to carry and funnily they had just filled up and become really huge over night – odd. What shoes? No, we didn’t buy shoes! Are you telling the story, or am I? Shut up, that’s hardly the point! Fucking great.

We paid shitloads for the train ticket, and again we had to run to catch it. The train was sweaty, clammy, crowded and full of screaming little children. We had a Bacardi breezer, and another one. After a painful bit of time, we had our first stop in Naples, but there were three stops in Naples in total, and seeing we didn’t know which one of them to get off on, we didn’t get off at any of them. Very clever, we thought. Okay, okay, so we would go off at the next one, the next one, no problem. It’s just that the next stop happened to be thirty minutes away, completely the opposite direction of where we were going. Before we knew it ourselves, we stood on the platform in Salerno. Fucking great. We held on to our kidneys real tight, bought tickets back to Naples and waited. When the train finally was to leave, it was leaving at a complete different platform and we had to run, again. Just to be on the safe side, we didn’t validate the ticket by squeezing it through the ‘spit n’ chew’ –machine. To prevent getting a fine for not having a valid ticket we taped our hands together. Brilliant idea, too bad nobody came to check the ticket, but oh well.

Back in Naples we found the local train that would take us to Sorrento, and Elin ran across the road to go to the loo. This apparently made the day of the local barman, he kissed her cheek and held her hand to show her where the loo was, he had most likely never seen a blonde, blue-eyed chick IRL. On board the train a man that looked mysteriously like a chubby jesus said “Beep, baap, boop” in the ear of Elin, which didn’t notice anything. Against all odds that day, we arrived safely in Sorrento and checked in at the hotel. Went to some random place to get nutrients and went out for a drink. [Blank].
We then most likely went back to the hotel and died, again.

Thursday 16.08.07
Had the hotels continental breakfast, which was strawberry-jam on a dry dry bun for Elin and honey on a dry dry dry bun for Tora. Bought a towel and had some ice cream, then we walked all the looooong stairs down to the beach, then up again when we found it was grotesquely expensive. Bought a bun and bus tickets, took the bus to this little village further in on the peninsula. Here we went to the beach, Elin was wearing her new camo bikini and Tora was wearing her flowery grandmother one. in the water we met a gang of boys, one of them which introduced himself as “Valentino Rosso, famous scooter-driver” and made wrist movements while saying “vroom vroom”. Priceless. It was very nice to have a bath in the heat, yesyes. Later we had dinner at Tico Tico, deep-fried calzone, sweet-corn, big steaks and watermelon for dessert. Ugh.

Friday 16.08.07
Got up early and had the continental breakfast. Went to the beach again and bought a inflatable mattress for lying in the water and get a tan. Got sunburnt.
Obviously we laughed a lot at the “Aqua-Gym” which was basically all the Italians shaking booty to horrible latino-music and showing off, while a separate crowd was staring and posing at the same time.
We went back to Sorrento again and purchased buns from the bun-man, he got purple with outrage when we said no to having Nutella on our food. They put Nutella on everything, even pizza. We went shopping, and “freshened up” back at the hotel, obviously we walked around naked and put after-sun lotion on each other. Had dinner at Leone Rosso, which was scrumptious and nice, there was actually a line, but the waiter just came and got us a table right away. Some blonde magic there, something you will never understand. After a two-floored pizza with sweet-corn and some more pineapple we went out for some ice cream and drinks. Had Limoncello shots [Blank].

Saturday 18.08.07

Got up early to prevent going to Pompeii before it got too hot, Elin fell asleep on the train, and Tora wasn't wearing proper clothes. We just walked around in Pompeii, took a lot of pictures, shuffled the dust about and cool things like that. It was really relly hot and we made sure to get pictures of the frescoes in the brothel. Outside we bought a delicious orange juice thingy that we enjoyed on the train back. Then we went down to a free strip of beach and had some breezers and Elin wore her army-bikini with the camouflage pattern. We were obviously harassed for being blonde and some guy took a picture with his phone but pretended not to. Afterwards we packed up our stuff and went back to Rome again and checked into the same hotel as before. Our bags were really heavy, it was a mystery how they had grown so much. They were probably full of sand. Yes. sand. Seriously can't remember what happened this night.

Sunday 19.08.07

Got up and went shopping! We bought the pretty golden caps that glitter lots and we have worn loads ever since. Bought necklace and found the Pustefix t-shirt, ate a lot of icecreams, possibly yoghurt-icecream, but the yoghurt-thingy really wasn't any nice, was it? We also had the legendary banana milkshake at the same place as usual (between the hotel and the Colosseum). Obviously we had to finish the day off by having dinner at Il Pomodoro Rosso (The Red Tomato) where we had something something, most likely pizza, yes, pretty positive it was pizza. And some deep-fried, nutella-filled buns with extra nutella on top for dessert, of course. Hello! We packed all our stuff, how it had gotten to such an amount was still a mystery. We took pictures of Ali Baba's treasure. Then we went to sleep and our feet hurt loads from all the walking.

Monday 20.08.2007

In the morning we were ready to go and everything was set and we had locked ourselves out properly, Elin suddenly remembered that she had forgotten her golden cap inside, in the room, behind the locked door. So we had to wait for the guy to come to work and lock Elin in so she could retrieve it, but obviously this took him ages, so somebody else helped us out. Because of this, we missed our banana milkshake, which was a massive tragedy, sometimes we still cry about it. The bus was being an arse so we walked aaall the way to the Colosseum again with our now monstrous suitcases to balance over the very gay cobblestones. It took ages and it was exhausting. We then took the subway to Termini, took the airport express train to Fiumicino and then flew away! Back to Snoreway.